This morning the reality of death felt unexpectedly close. After reflecting yesterday on the deaths of people in my life, I awoke to something deeply moving

As I stirred and became conscious, the reality that one of my closest friends death filled my awareness, that he was no longer alive. The emptiness touched me deeply, then memories of my first dog appeared and as it arose, I could feel the grief moving through me.

What stood out to me was not just the grief itself, but the different flavours of grief. Sadness. Tenderness. Longing. Love. A quiet ache. I thought “wow these are the different flavours of grief in emotional body space”, how beautiful.

Later, thoughts of people I accompanied as an End of Life doula. And the question came up, how sometimes being present at someone’s death one can touch the source? Why would this be?

I turned toward the experience using my practice and began to investigate.

And insight of expansion and contraction, as a baby is being born into the word and the death of a person, as life expands and as it contracts. The ability to be able to hold both delicately allows touching into the source.

Life and death, appearing and disappearing, love and loss. In these moments, there can be a sense of touching something deeper than the individual person, something vast and universal beneath it all.

Not as an idea or philosophy, but as a direct felt experience.

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Bob Chiang is an End of Life Doula and Mindfulness Teacher based in Derbyshire, UK. Through Mindful End of Life he offers spaces for mindful reflection on death, dying, grief, and compassionate presence.